Nat King Cole, when he sang “Roll out those lazy, hazy, crazy, days of summer…” must have meant us mothers with children out of school. My observations, made the first week of summer one year while shopping at the place that no one is supposed to admit to patronizing, but one that is mysteriously the largest retailer in the world – would concur, but in reverse order: Moms (like me) trying to get errands done – looking positively “crazy”; temperatures soaring outside (not to mention the tempers of associates besieged by numerous small shoppers inside) – definitely “hazy,” and sullen children, too old to be excited by “helping Mommy do the shopping” yet too young to be left home, listlessly dragging their feet, looking positively “lazy.”
By spring break, my kids really look forward to summer, but for some reason, when it gets here, they dread it. Summer can be a difficult time for working parents when school-aged kids are out of school. Okay, let’s admit it – it can be a difficult time for those of us who have the luxury of being at home too. When I homeschooled my children, I had little understanding of parents being overwhelmed by their own offspring in the absence of the school routine.
Suddenly, there is plenty of time opened up for kids and so many opportunities are available to them. Unfortunately, many of these “opportunities” require bussing your children about and having several loose Franklins around.
But I have a solution to your woes. It is “Camp Ribeiro” and will only cost you $50 a week per child. The class will run from whenever you would like to drop your child(ren) off and will last until you are ready to pick them up.
Here’s how it works: if you will entrust your children to me, I will help you train them to be helpful at home. But since they won’t be in your home, this learning will have to occur in mine. You won’t need to bring them anything: even their food will be included in the fee.
First thing in the morning, we start with Place Values by emptying the dishwasher. Then we walk about and pick up and put everything away. There is great Value in having everything put into Place. As mornings progress, your children will learn time management (because I myself have birthed a slackard or two who can drag this job out till midmorning), so I add a timer to ensure focused task completion and efficient use of time.
Right after the lesson on Place Values, there is a simultaneous seminar on Nourishment and the Declaration of Independence: that is, if your child can maneuver to and open the refrigerator, I Declare him/her to be Independent enough to get his/her own breakfast. Sorry, we are completely out of Pop-tarts and whatever Cookie-Candy-O’s cereal is being pushed on children’s television. Also, while your kid is at it, get something for the little ones who can’t fetch their own breakfast. That brings in our lesson on caring for others and serving one another.
Immediately following is my workshop on “Cleaning the Environment” also known as put your dishes in the sink and wipe up the table around you. Also, if you have spilled, go get the broom, gather your offerings in the dustpan, and place them in the trash. Like a game of musical chairs, if you are the one left with trash that just won’t fit into the liner, you get to empty it in the dumpster. One lucky child each morning will be chosen to do further studies by loading the beloved (but tiny) dishwasher.
Soon after come Horticulture and Early Child Development classes. For the younger ones, it translates to “time to play outside.” For others, it involves learning to identify weeds and carefully collecting these specimens by their roots, also known as weeding. Those interested in younger children can monitor their activity and possibly engage their attention with sidewalk chalk or other outdoor toys. There will be a quick Place Values refresher before we come indoors.
Then follows Hygiene, mostly having to do with washing of hands after playing outside, before eating, and after flushing. (Yes, there will be Remedial Flushing for those with severe attention deficiencies.) As a bonus, there will be Technology Training, but this will be reserved only for the keenest and most observant child(ren), and only those genetically endowed with mechanical aptitude. They will learn to put on a new roll of toilet paper when the existing supply is gone.
If it is too hot outdoors, we will stay indoors and progress to “Treasure Hunting.” This might involve emptying out the kitchen/junk drawer, wiping it down and sorting items into correct piles. As a reward, loose change can be counted and divided amongst the hunters. (See that math lesson sneaking in there?) For older children, there will be “Exploration and the Value of Open Space.” Basically, this entails opening up boxes that we still haven’t unpacked, eleven months after our move here.
Then there is my Creative Cooking class – how can we use rice/pasta/potatoes to form yet another quick but healthy lunch for a number of hungry children? We can’t figure out a new dish? This is where we combine Thankfulness with Nutrition. Whoever said “hunger is the best sauce” was not only hungry, but also never had probably never had Sriracha Hot Sauce. No, you cannot have a cookie right before lunch, and yes that will help you to be thankful when you do get lunch. A few children will be chosen for this task while others help set the table, straight out of the dutiful dishwasher, and so on and so forth.
After lunch, we rotate tasks so others have a chance to Care for the Environment while readers take small children along to read them a story. There might be a chance after that to play with toys, color or draw while we listen to a story on tape.
Who knows, if there is free time before starting supper, we might combine Apparel Care (known as folding laundry) while we (gasp) watch a TV show or movie. Just as the entertainment ends, we apply Place Values to Apparel – put away the hanging and folding.
Before you know it, the day is gone, and your children will be amazed at how little time they have had to be bored. Who knows? If this concept takes off, I might expand my services to adults. But I’m afraid that will have to wait till the end of summer. And, I might be wrong, but don’t they already have something like that…in state prison?
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